sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
