you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I checked into jail on foursquare
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
