Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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