you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
why does every cop we meet know your name?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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