no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
