i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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