My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
