I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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