This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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