Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
