Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
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