You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate