she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.