You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You coming home soon, man?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.