No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?