Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.