sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize