I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
