areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
