Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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