I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
