she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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