So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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