Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
