capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
