And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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