I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
