flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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