woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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