2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
