Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
