Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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