They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
