in pain and im wearing pink underwear
i dont own pink underwear
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF