Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring