WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.