im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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