She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
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Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
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You brought string cheese to the strip club
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I need water and some morals
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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