one might say we're banned from that church
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
