fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
