your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
