I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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