In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
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she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
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It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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