I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
