dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
