Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
