Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
