Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
