i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize