Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize