I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
