kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
