Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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