He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
