ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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