It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
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You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
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I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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