Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
