the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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