Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
