...so i touched it.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
