Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
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K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
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I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?