Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We have started to decorate penises.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself