Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
