Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I believe in your delicious